if you have issues, i have tissues

"the difference between want and need is self-control."

i am depressed. i don't know why. maybe it's because i'm currently reading a book about depression, and that bits of it makes me think of my own life, or that i'm so involved and absorbed in the book, i actually feel the girl's pain, and that's why i feel depressed too. is that psycho? i'm only halfway through and i'm amazed by the fact that this book with large font (which made me think it's chilidish and got me screaming my ass off after getting it off kino cos i thought i wasted 16 bucks on it) can actually affect me to such an extremely large extent. and the best/worst part is? i can't put the book down.

this is my psychotic side. i love books like that, i love sob stories which tell of depression, disorders, suicide, abuse etc. and this is why i loved dave pelzer's autobiography series (read it over many times, and cried every single time), and am always scouring books in the teenage section of the library cos i guess people think adolescence is the peak period of the occurence of such abnormalities. shitpissfuck, am i weird? (sometimes i seriously do freak myself out) but i just want to know these people so bad, it's like a strange suction force, and in a way, i guess i'm drawn to them whilst at the same time knowing about myself. and in case you're wondering, book in question is red tears by joanna kenrick and i was so desperate to get it, i actually went to borders, then kino in town, only for them to tell me it's sold out, got salesgirl to reserve copy for me in bugis kino and then immediately headed down to get my order and started on book immediately once i got home leaving the time traveller's wife (which i bought yesterday) completely untouched.

anyway, i don't need anyone to judge me, or question my state of mind or draw conclusions as to why my fascination with such dysfunctions and link it to your derived conclusion that i am one of these people cos i attribute qualities of eating disorders etc. so anyway, since i am still currently feeling depressed after a one hour long bath (which failed to cheer me up), plus the fact that diet is not going well at all (ironic i know), one will leave you with a thinspiration video that jillyan told me about. and no i am not psycho cos my intention is for the video to work with a reverse effect especially to my anorexic/bulimic friends.


(1) http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=AICKzmIYNpk

(2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34oF_0F1DGs&mode=related&search=

p/s: damn, just watching videos and the apt songs makes me want to cry

p/p/s: sorry prata! am supposed to dedicate today's entry to you, but am to depressed to do so. but videos are dedicated to you and you BETTER watch it!